Saturday, September 30, 2006

Important to have friends ;)

Friday, September 29, 2006

I wish upon them.

Stars, stars, my old friends stars,
I look at the stars,
And wish upon them,
I don’t wish to touch them,
No, I don’t
I am not Anoushe,
I don’t wanna go that far,
Far was never my thing,
Then what is my wish,
I look at them again,
They are so get-together
So shinny,
So calm
So gorgeous
Now, I am jealous!!

They remind me of my city,
City of stars,
I miss watching them from our roof
I miss so many other things,
But missing doesn’t mean anything really,
Missing doesn’t matter anymore,

I look at them again and think of my wish
My dream,
My life,
What is it?
Med school, that penthouse, or the Rolex watch,
I wonder,
But I shouldn’t wonder,
I should know,
And I know
I know that those are not my dreams,
I lost my dream somewhere , sometime
Sometime when I didn’t care enough to look at stars for a minute
And now I wonder about them,
I look at the stars and I know
This time I know what I want
I want “peace of mind”,
So I gaze at them and I wish so hard upon them….
May stars welcome me after all these years.
Lets wish for that first!

How much is your dream?

My parents are back from Iran, and that means I am always at their place.
Staying at their place means sleeping on sofa.
Sleeping on sofa is not as bad you think,but it means waking up no later than 8:30 a.m.
8:30 a.m and me , I don’t think so!!!!
Well, thanks God there is always a TV in the living room, right in front of sofa!! So, all I have to do is to set the timer at 8:00 and on CNN.

…oh no, not again, these CNN reporters are going on my nerves early in the morning; I didn’t mind Anderson cooper, but apparently he likes to sleep in the morning, just like me!!!
I was just about to get the remote and turn the TV off that I heard “Anoushe Ansari”, the first female space tourist, scheduled to launch to the international space station on Monday.
What??? I got so excited and removed the blanket to see her picture . Waite a minute , I have seen her before somewhere.Oh, yeh on the cover of a magazine years ago and now she will be in the history books for years to come.
I heard her name, the name that not only inspired me, but also, a lot of females, a nation, and the world.
She is not only the 4th space tourist. She is the first female Space tourist, the first Iranian space tourist .
To her the limit wasn’t sky, it was space .I heard her name and questioned myself and my limits.
She always wondered about the space and now she lives in her dream, and from now on she is the dream itself.
If she could make her dream come true and go to space, so do you and me. There is a difference between our dreams though cause I would never dream about something as expensive as a 20 million dollar trip. Would you?
What is the price of my dream? I don’t know!
Maybe my dreams are very cheap and that’s why I can’t achieve them.
Maybe if they were more expensive then I would try harder to make them come true.Maybe…Maybe..Maybe…
I just know that every cell of my body is excited about Anoushe's dream and if she went to space , the least we can do is to make our earthy dreams come true.
How does it feel to live your dreams?
Have you ever wondered?
I always do…..

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

:Talk is Cheap!

: Don’t you see it ??????????
: Yes I see it, and ppl see it too, then why the one doesn’t see it?
: Well, I know u see it ,but through your eyes and your mind .
: What do u mean?
: I mean maybe to you that’s not even enough, but to the one, that's the one, The ideal. What else could someone ask for?
: The ideal????????
: Yes, the ideal, maybe you want more for the one. Maybe this time, you don’t see what ppl see.
: I still don’t get it !!!
: Look at it this way , ppl have to approve things they have, not u , so shut up and don’t interfere, and don’t think childish, and be realistic, and stop criticizing and judging ppl for what they choose, and do me a favor, please don’t tell me who is good for who, and,and,and
: I never did, but I always wondered.
: Well, didn’t someone told you that “Knowing is better than wondering” so now still wanna be a wonderer, or wanna be normal, just like your friends.
: I don’t wanna be a wonderer, I don’t wanna be a dreamer. Sometimes I just loose it, and I need time to get things out of my system.
: You can't loose it. U could loose it 10 years ago, not now. There aren't any dolls left for u to play with . Well on the other hand, you can loose it for the rest of your life if u want to.It's your life and your choice. By the way do you want to know why you loose it?
: yeh,Why?
: Cause u have time to loose it, or maybe you have nothing to worry about and you sit there and loose it….
: Or maybe you could say that I have too much to worry about and I loose it.
: What? Now you are talking non-sense. What do u have to worry about?
: ah ah, Please don’t tell me you know me inside out .Don’t tell me u know that I have nothing to worry about and please don't see my life through your perfect Chanel sun glasses.
: You are so rude. You are making fun me.
: Rude maybe , but I was serious about your Chanel sun glasses.
: whatever...
: Yeh, you are right,whatever!!! let's finish this talk cause talk is cheap!!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

..... nothing.....

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I simply forgot to add water!

It’s after midnight and I am hungry. I wanna eat something and the last thing that worries me is my weight, so the decision is made and I am heading to the kitchen .
Lets see, we do have chips, but I just can’t have them anymore. I am fed up with junk food. Real food , that’s what I want. How about some “kateh”, but then we don’t have ketchup, so I decide to settle for the next best thing which is Penne Pasta.
Now, all I need is to boil some water with pasta, add sauce, and bingo I have real food.
Is it really the definition of real food , or I am setting a bad example here?!?!? Whatever!!!!!! Like I care about food industry and examples.
So to begin, I grab a frying pan to boil some water. Waite a minute, Frying pans for boiling water? Of courseee, only if missing piece is “the iron chef”. I put the pan on the oven, and turn it on to its maximum heat, and am about to fill it with water, but my brother is calling me and I am leaving the kitchen.
Ten minutes later, something smells. OooooooooopS, I forgot all about water, and the frying pan is frying alone. I run to the kitchen, move the pan from the oven, turn it off, open the window to get rid of the smell and suddenly, I hear something. Wow, it’s harmonic. It’s always been there, I have heard it too many times, but this time, I decide to notice it and listen to it religiously other than just hearing it.
I stand there for few minutes and listen. It sounds so pure, so sincere,so original and so fresh.
I Listen and ask myself “why I haven’t been noticing this amazing sound for ages?”.
I remember how I loved to listen to the sound of rain when I moved from a city with a sky full of stars to a city with a sky full of clouds years ago .
Well, I guess we are people, and for people the most amazing things could get boring and ordinary.
I guess we are ppl, and capable of taking the most beautiful things for granted if they are around for so long.
We are ppl, those who never appreciate things they have and chase things they don’t have .
I was drowned in my thoughts when my brother who was sitting in the living room mentioned the bad smell and how horrible I am at cooking.
He thought I burnt the food as always, and seriously I didn’t want him to know that this time I went one step further and burnt the frying pan, so I was happy with the horrible cook label;)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I don’t see the photographer, but..



…I see coffee, sun, mirrors, GRE, shopping bags, blue flip flops, long hair, a green water bottle wrapped in bounty, “them”, and I see the difference that 30 seconds can make…what do u see?

Friday, September 15, 2006

ای که حرفهای قشنگت من اشتی داده با من , من و گنجشکهای خونه دیدنت عادتمونه

Every time you open one of Paulo Coelho’s books, you face an introduction in which ppl from different places talk about how he had changed their lives with his writing. Well few days ago, when I was in a stage that nothing mattered anymore and if did, I didn’t care!
The stage that everything went on my nerves, but I simply didn’t give a damn about my nerves, let alone things on them.
Days that I could not use my forever-and-always friend, “depression”, as an excuse anymore. Anyways, it was then that I decided to get rid of missing piece.Maybe deleting missing piece could do something good, sick mentality , ha?
That day, I turned on my computer, clicked on Internet explorer and went to my favorites. I was about to click on missing piece, but I clicked on Papaya’s page, knowing that she doesn’t have time to update her site, but I had to try and see it to believe it. Well, this time I was wrong and after zillion days, she actually updated Papaya.
I am infinity... there I was reading her posts and she got me.
I don’t know if I should mention this here. I am scared to talk about my feelings these days, I think if I put them into words , they loose their virtues and I loose them forever , and this I don’t want to happen!!!
Well, I always believe in life, no matter which way u go, u face some unpleasant consequences, so should I be worried about choosing the right or wrong way? Who cares, ha? Who said that I always have to make the right decisions? Where did those right decisions get me so far? So I might as well try some wrong ones or whatever that is not right..
Now, since I decided to make the wrong decision and talk about my feelings, I have to say: she created a piece and she will never know how her writing penetrated in every single cell of my body, and I am not B.Sing.
I guess she will never know that I read her post 4 times and thought about her sentences for long.
I thought about early birds, being lost, the floating line between desire and need, the bottomless glass, the lies I could tell, the rules I could break, the perfection that falls into crap, never trying, today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug, the cage, the denial ocean, and the list goes on…
She rewinds Dr. Gray’s speech, I rewind Dr. Papaya’s, and some fool will rewind mine someday, and this is called circle-of-broken-rights.. Obviously no rights are reserved here. Don’t you agree?
I guess she will never know that she can change lives with her Papaya.Yeh that web log of her which probably is just a place to kill some of her time, could make some one like me to use her brain for a minute, try to open her eyes, see the bitter truth, and get out of her denial cave.
Interesting life, one is killing time and one is benefiting from it.
I really did not wanted to let this whole thing out , but I couldn’t help it(Didn't I just mention this above??!?! ) . As much as I am so so so so so scared of showing any sort of feelings, I had to let her know that no matter where she is , she still can a make difference in my life. Most importantly I had to let her know that she saved a part of me: Missing piece!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

چنان از اصل خود دورم

Listen to Daricheh By Mansour

Monday, September 04, 2006

EVERTHING for nothing

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I know it’s wrong,
I know it’s wasting energy,
I know it’s a road to no where,
steps toward destruction,
Well I am not the only one, a lot of ppl have been there and done that, I just don’t get this whole story, true or false, I don't f***ing get it.
It’s the worst battle I have ever been in, the battle of heart vs mind. Sounds so cliché I know, but it’s what it is.
I keep telling myself this is the last time, but the last time never comes,NEVER.
The weird part is that I don’t expect to get anything out of it. I demand nothing!!! Sometimes I wish that I was more demanding cause this way the minute my wishes weren’t fulfilled, I would get myself out of this mess .
I wanna pretend that it doesn’t hurt, but it does; it does more thanI believe, so the question is why am I doing something that is not suppose to have a happy ending, something that is not going anywhere and even if it did, I didn’t want it.
I wonder why?
I wonder why I can’t let go of NOTHING,
why I do everything for nothing,
and why while I know the difference between true and false, I still choose to be false.
I see the signs and ignore them or tend to see them “just the way I want them”.
Seeing a dead-end street and believing in a highway, yep that’s me!!!! No wonder my driver license is still class 7. I need to use my brain more or I’ll never be a good driver!