Friday, September 15, 2006

ای که حرفهای قشنگت من اشتی داده با من , من و گنجشکهای خونه دیدنت عادتمونه

Every time you open one of Paulo Coelho’s books, you face an introduction in which ppl from different places talk about how he had changed their lives with his writing. Well few days ago, when I was in a stage that nothing mattered anymore and if did, I didn’t care!
The stage that everything went on my nerves, but I simply didn’t give a damn about my nerves, let alone things on them.
Days that I could not use my forever-and-always friend, “depression”, as an excuse anymore. Anyways, it was then that I decided to get rid of missing piece.Maybe deleting missing piece could do something good, sick mentality , ha?
That day, I turned on my computer, clicked on Internet explorer and went to my favorites. I was about to click on missing piece, but I clicked on Papaya’s page, knowing that she doesn’t have time to update her site, but I had to try and see it to believe it. Well, this time I was wrong and after zillion days, she actually updated Papaya.
I am infinity... there I was reading her posts and she got me.
I don’t know if I should mention this here. I am scared to talk about my feelings these days, I think if I put them into words , they loose their virtues and I loose them forever , and this I don’t want to happen!!!
Well, I always believe in life, no matter which way u go, u face some unpleasant consequences, so should I be worried about choosing the right or wrong way? Who cares, ha? Who said that I always have to make the right decisions? Where did those right decisions get me so far? So I might as well try some wrong ones or whatever that is not right..
Now, since I decided to make the wrong decision and talk about my feelings, I have to say: she created a piece and she will never know how her writing penetrated in every single cell of my body, and I am not B.Sing.
I guess she will never know that I read her post 4 times and thought about her sentences for long.
I thought about early birds, being lost, the floating line between desire and need, the bottomless glass, the lies I could tell, the rules I could break, the perfection that falls into crap, never trying, today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug, the cage, the denial ocean, and the list goes on…
She rewinds Dr. Gray’s speech, I rewind Dr. Papaya’s, and some fool will rewind mine someday, and this is called circle-of-broken-rights.. Obviously no rights are reserved here. Don’t you agree?
I guess she will never know that she can change lives with her Papaya.Yeh that web log of her which probably is just a place to kill some of her time, could make some one like me to use her brain for a minute, try to open her eyes, see the bitter truth, and get out of her denial cave.
Interesting life, one is killing time and one is benefiting from it.
I really did not wanted to let this whole thing out , but I couldn’t help it(Didn't I just mention this above??!?! ) . As much as I am so so so so so scared of showing any sort of feelings, I had to let her know that no matter where she is , she still can a make difference in my life. Most importantly I had to let her know that she saved a part of me: Missing piece!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The lyrics you chose for this post, amazes me!! I can't believe how these beautiful words describe what you felt....
I know only you know what I mean, and I know what you mean....
So, daaramet, boro daaramet!!

10:28 PM  

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