Friday, August 11, 2006

That smell...

I was just walking, and suddenly I smelled something. I didn’t know what it was for years and still can’t tell what it is. I just know that I hated it years ago.
What was it? Really, what is it?
Maybe it’s the chlorine smell that was mixed with water vapor, maybe not, who cares!?!?.
I smelled and saw that summer. The summer in which the more I learned about psychology, the more I diagnosed mental diseases in myself, and the more disease I diagnosed, the lower marks I got.
The summer that Papar was learning how to say je t'aime and I was feeling it…
I still remember the day that I went and told her how lucky I was that I was not taking anything other than psychology cause I was sure I would fail it.. I still remember how messed up my mind was.
The smell went beyond that summer, it went to the next fall, the fall in which the black Monday happened…Maybe that smell showed her the way, the way to freedom, the one that was taken away in her golden ages.

The smell was not only chlorine,
it was my loneliness,
my anxiety before organic midterms,
our break downs,
our tea and cinnamon bun breaks,
us, reading and falling asleep on our classical study notes.
It was our conference room every Mon, Wed, Fri right after our virology class, PARABABLY it was our FAKOUS session for our next class …. .

Today while smelling it again, I noticed every thing had changed except the smell .It was the same smell, and surprisingly enough I loved it this time.
To avoid temptation ,I tried to walk faster . It was dangerous, and I knew if I follow it, I would break into tears. Tears of memories, happy or sad.
I knew I was done! Really done!!That chapter was closed forever.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Papar said...

I can smell it from a thousand miles distance....
That summer, when we took a long walk over the bridge, you were telling me about the psych diagnoses you had made, and what you wanted in life....
I learned my diseases later on, the psych ones....As I always say: You are always ahead of me!!
BTW, you are gonna make diagnoses of 2 serious diseases while in medical school!! Be prepared!!
I thought I was unfortunate that year; now I know, happiness had kicked below my stomach!! Waking up at 6 every mon, wed, fri, memorising everybody's horoscope,
rushing to Virology, Fakousing on his lectures, and the highlights of our day----> Tea and cinn buns!! (Voulez vous boise quel que chose??)
We made a pact to meet in 10 years!!
7 years to go??

11:06 AM  

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