EVERTHING for nothing

I know it’s wrong,
I know it’s wasting energy,
I know it’s a road to no where,
steps toward destruction,
but I STILL Do IT ANYWAYS.
Well I am not the only one, a lot of ppl have been there and done that, I just don’t get this whole story, true or false, I don't f***ing get it.
It’s the worst battle I have ever been in, the battle of heart vs mind. Sounds so cliché I know, but it’s what it is.
I keep telling myself this is the last time, but the last time never comes,NEVER.
The weird part is that I don’t expect to get anything out of it. I demand nothing!!! Sometimes I wish that I was more demanding cause this way the minute my wishes weren’t fulfilled, I would get myself out of this mess .
I wanna pretend that it doesn’t hurt, but it does; it does more thanI believe, so the question is why am I doing something that is not suppose to have a happy ending, something that is not going anywhere and even if it did, I didn’t want it.
I wonder why?
I wonder why I can’t let go of NOTHING,
why I do everything for nothing,
and why while I know the difference between true and false, I still choose to be false.
I see the signs and ignore them or tend to see them “just the way I want them”.
Seeing a dead-end street and believing in a highway, yep that’s me!!!! No wonder my driver license is still class 7. I need to use my brain more or I’ll never be a good driver!