Wednesday, November 29, 2006

SnOwEMbEr ;)

It was three days ago that finally after a month or so I decided to go to downtown, Robson to be more specific!

To go to BCBG and just try couple of dresses, look at myself in the mirror, fall in love with all of them and then the minute that I see the price tag I forget all about love , and believe that love is just something that fill in the loneliness of your heart, and nothing more .

I wanted to see ppl again.
I wanted to see those cute and hot guys in suites, the ones who wear pink ties with light gray shirts! Don’t get me wrong, by ppl I don’t mean just those hot suits; I mean ppl of all ages, races and …. I miss ppl after one week of staying in the house, and yes, suites happened to be on the top of my list ;)
I wanted to get a 24 from someone who always stands at the corner of Burrard and Robson and begs ppl to get a copy of 24.
Finally, I just wanted to get a hot chocolate
and drink,
and walk,
and think,
and take pictures,
and listen to music till my feet could not take anymore steps, and my hands could not hold anything, but a bus pass!! Yep, that was the plan ;)
So for those exciting reasons I decided to wake up early and get going, and suddenly there I was again standing in our door step ,but this time the white color of the lawn shocked me , not the leaves or our gayish neighbor!!!


… nowI knew in my heart that I have more reasons to remember November. I have been here for years now and haven’t witnessed a white November till three days ago…

Seeing snow, I forgot about everything from 24 to hot chocolate. To be very honest, not everything cause I couldn’t forget about my camera when everything was white..

I don’t know what is it about snow that makes me to love it so much. Maybe I love it cause we don’t have that much snow in our rainy city, but then I know my reasons are beyond this.

Maybe it was the closure of schools , but now I don’t go to school, and no one is even here to make a snowman with me, so that can’t be the reason for my excitment either…

Maybe sometimes I just have to like things without reasons, and maybe I should stop looking for reasons...
That day, I didn’t go out, but the day after finally I decided to go out, I wanted ice cream. I kid you not, suddenly I wanted Ice cream and suddenly that small Chinese supermarket looked even better than any other huge fancy supermarket.

So there I was ready to get going, and as I was wearing my lousy sweat pants I saw my ski pants in a box at the corner of my room which by the way looks more like a junk yard rather than a girl’s room now. Finally, my ski pants came in handy and I could used them, so I wore them and when I was leaving the house, my sister couldn’t stop laughing when she saw me in my sky pants. Honestly as long as I was all warm and happy I didn’t care if everyone would make fun of me or think I am crazy. After all I had paid too much for those pants and barely used them,so that day the opportunity presented itself and I had to take revenge!!!

Few minutes later, I left the house to get ice cream;instead, I ended up under the tree, and in the middle of icy streets with my camera.

Finally when I was so close to completely freeze from head to toe, and it was all dark, I decided to came home.

I came home and nothing looked white anymore .In fact, I was surrendered with orange, yellow and red colors and that was when I thought maybe sitting in front of a warm colorful fire was my reason for loving snow so much!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Hmmmmmm Follow-Up

This morning before posting the pic for Hmmmmmmmmm, I hesitated a bit. I thought who would post a pic from her/his butt? I was just playing with its shades using picasa that my sister came and saw it. She said “if I were u I wouldn’t put such a pic anywhere, let alone my own page”. Well, I wanted to listen to her, but I thought why do I have to always pick my best pic?( not that I always do,but I try ;)
What is wrong with this pic? It’s a decent temptation scene after alll ;)
I was just analyzing this huge problem that I heard a familiar voice in my head, he came again and was whispering:

من نمی دانم که چرا می گویند: اسب حیوان نجیبی است , کبوترزیباست
و چرا در قفس هیچکسی کرکس نیست
گل شبدر چه کم از لاله قرمز دارد
چشم ها را باید شست
جور دیگر باید دید

Suddenly I had a flash back to my childhood, when I used to draw. I was about 8 that I started drawing. My instructor was this very cute old man with glasses, Mr. Hojabr! He was from Tehran, so I loved his accent and the way he dressed was so neat. He always wore vest and that looked so artistic to me ;)
Basically he was the first male that I was attracted to. Weird ha? ha ha ha
Anyways, I remember how I had to create an exact copy of my drawing model for him;otherwise, he would pick on the slightest mistake that I made and ask me to draw it again.Sometimes,I had to draw something over and over again in order to make it right.
I believe I was his student for about 4 consecutive summers. Even after that whenever I drew something, I tried to make an exact copy. My drawing had to be perfect, and that was the beginning of a perfectionist-missing piece.
Perfectionist, I was so proud to be one, and I would go out of my way to make everything perfect, but now that I think about it , it’s just waste of energy and time.
I try not to care about a lot of things anymore. It’s not that I changed my attitude over night , but I believe I came a long way. At least now, I can post a pic of my butt in missing piece, and write whatever I want , not whatever sounds perfect.If it was few years ago, thinking about it was a sin , leting alone doing it.
So here I am at the beginning of my imperfect path and trying to love it, cause loving what is perfect is not hard!


Temptation is fun...
giving in is even better.

Friday, November 24, 2006

بیا درویش بشیم ,خاکی و بی ریا شیم

بیا درویش بشیم ,خاکی و بی ریا شیم
قفل تن رو بشکنیم از من و ما رها شیم
بیا پروانه صفت به دور هم بگردیم
زیر چتر معرفت یک دل و یک صدا شیم
زندگی با کبر صفا نداره ,عالم فانی وفا نداره
اونایی که خاکی ان عاشقه دل پاکی ان
پیشه خدا عزیزن و شاه و گدا نداره
افتاده شو ,مغرور نباش
پروانه شو ,بی نور نباش
بیا درویش بشیم ,خاکی و بی ریا شیم
قفل تن رو بشکنیم از من و ما رها شیم

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

From Craving to Fall

Have u notice that sometimes seeing stuff doesn’t make u to notice them, and u only notice them when u really have to do something about them, with them or more. Well it happens to me all the time.
These days I am craving pasta so much and no one makes it for me, so today finally I decided to take some action and make some , not just for me, for everyone else too .See, I am generous, I just don’t make food for myself, I feed the army as well. Since we never have anything pasta related at home, I decided to go shopping first . After all I needed fresh lemons, tomatoes and parsley. For my mouth watering pasta everything has to be fresh. I left my place early in the morning and by early I mean not earlier than 10:00 ;) I was all dressed up and ready to hit the road, but everything changed the minute I opened the house main door. I saw our neighbor: that skinny guy who is married and I always question his marriage since I think he is gay. Honestly he is so gayish, if not gay , he is bi for sure. Anyways, I saw him getting rid of leaves, and then I looked at our lawn, which was covered with red, orange, yellow, and brown leaves, and suddenly it hit me! Yes, Fall is here. Actually fall was here a long time ago, but since I didn’t go to school, I did not noticed it…..omg I have to do something to bring green back again.
6 hours later, the lawn is green, the pasta is cooked with the help of fresh lemons, garlic, tomatoes, missing piece's hidden talent in cooking and my magic hands.
Finally the pasta is there, and everybody loves it except me, I think it’s so tasteless, but my mom is saying “food never taste good to the cook”, she just wanna make me happy by saying that, and I know my cooking wouldn’t get me a rich handsome boy friend like Lori’s in Gilmore girls ! I need to work on my cooking more,be less stubborn,and start to believe in some books called “cooking books”.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Remember, Remember the 4th of November

It’s 2:15 a.m and I have to sleep. Tonight is a different night, I either sleep or ruin my last month: the lonely October I am referring to ;). My heartbeat is not promising, so I decide to go green, but not full green as I don't wanna decrease the heartbeat more that enogh. Half green would do it for me.
Before sleeping I make sure to set my alarm for 6:30 a.m.

6:30 a.m ..bip bip bip bip bip bip…Noooooooo, it’s already morning.Time flies especially when u are damn tired... Finally I had to do it and at that point I didn't want to do it.
Well what else would you expect, I was dealing with me who always chickens out at the last minute, so I slept. I don’t know based on what, but I slept and I could be sleeping too much to ruin the 4th of November.
And again at 6:59 a.m I heard something, but this time it wasn’t my alarm, I took a look at my cell, and I knew that I had to follow the order that I was given. Suddenly, I was all happy, smiling and ready to finish what I had started months ago. I knew that I had to get up and put an end to my insomnia and anything that ends with AT. So I did what I had to do, I left my bed with a smile on my face, wore my navy sweat pants, the ones that I always wear at desperate times, stood as tall as I could, and in no time I was where I had to be .
That day I saw the difference that few powerful sincere words can make,I felt the magic of emotional support and that’s why I decided to “Rise and Shine”.After all I was the freaking star of the show for one day ;]

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Lucky number seven

May Seven brings you best of luck this year
HaPpY BiRtHDaY ;)

p.s please don't leave a comment about how amazing I am at photography, I already know it... :]

I Blame "Time"

Standing there,
Nothing behind me is exciting enough to look at,
What is ahead is far out of my blurry vision,

Standing there,
I decide to pin point me,
So I turn my head,
and look over my shoulders,
but I don’t see anything,
I glaze so hard to see ,
To see me, and where I am standing,
And no, glazing is not the answer,
The feeling is not there,
and I can't blame my vision,
I can't even blame me,
then I blame "time"

Standing there,
I am frozen
Frozen and lost in time…

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I kid you NOT!!!

It was about 46 days ago that I wish upon stars and asked for “peace of mind”. Well now that I think about it, I was so naïve to ask for peace of mind while I don’t have the very basic necessities of life.
Today I noticed that no matter how much I ask for something, I might easily not get it. Every time that I look for my seat in the plane , I just hope to not find my seat right beside a damn little baby who just cries non-stop during the flight and makes me nuts.
Three days ago, finally for the first time in Canada (I kid you not), for the first time I found my seat far away from new moms and their little crying dolls, but my luck didn’t last as there were 2 seats empty in my row and the flight attendant asked a new mom and her 9 month old daughter to come and join me, and that was when I really believed in my luck!!
Well, whenever you think something is bad, then something beyond bad happens and makes you to just shut your mind and never categorize anything under the bad list. Today, I ended up being surrounded with eight Chinese plus a baby who made sure to not even miss one minute and cried all the time. How unlucky someone can be?!!?!?! For me it is always like that, When I hate something it happens to me before I know it . So there I was trapped in the plane with the Chinese crowd speaking Chinese loudly, the little brat, my hands, one heavy heart, a confused mind, a napkin, my I pod , and a black pen.....